When I was fighting depression in various seasons of years passed, I would read the account of Jesus calming the storm in Mark 4:35-41, Matthew 8:23-27, and Luke 8:22-25 (it is also mentioned in the book of John, but very briefly). It would bring me comfort to know that Jesus, who calmed the massive storm over the Sea of Galilee, has the power to calm the storms of my life and heart — it is true and I still believe that. But what would happen is that when the next wave of anxiety, irritability, or brain fog came about, I would sink into despair over my guilt. Once again, the storm returned, and once again, I am reminded that perhaps God didn’t see fit to deliver me from the storm of depression and all the destruction it causes… is there something wrong with me? What else do I need to do to get out of this dark pit? When do I get to stop feeling this way everyday? Am I going to drive everything I hold dear away from me because of how I’ve been acting? What’s the purpose in this torment? These were questions I would ask myself frequently during those seasons. God graciously convicted my heart with 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 when Paul wrote about the thorn is his flesh that he pleaded (not merely asked) with the Lord to remove from him yet it would not go away. Why? Paul answers this at the very beginning of that passage “so to keep me from becoming conceited”. The relentless, constant agony Paul felt remained to humble him and keep him humble. What I realized was that I was more concerned with being relieved from my depression more than I was marveling at who Jesus is and who I am in Him. It was as if the goodness and Holiness of God was an accessory to my suffering, the means to the end of my torment, when He should be at the forefront of my mind and the greatest yearning of my heart.
Being comforted by scripture is a beautiful thing, and we should feast on the Word and run to The Cross in times of trouble. But if we find ourselves doing so over and over and we are still feeling a sense of dread, angst, or bitterness each day are our works (effort, doing all the right, pious things) producing good fruit or bad fruit? And if it is producing bad fruit, there is something I need to repent for. I need to shift my mindset from asking God, yet again, to deliver me from my inner turmoil to asking God to humble me and bring to my thoughts what it is that I need to repent for. Is it unbelief (not trusting in God’s timing and goodness)? Is it idolatry (coveting anything including my own comfort over worshipping the Lord)? Or is it discontentment (looking to gain more from the world or from myself than being content in all that Jesus is and who I am in Him)?
The Gospel Books — and the entirety of The Bible — were not written primarily for my comfort. I get to be comforted and be strengthened and be reassured; I get to benefit from the marvelous truths of scripture because of what the intent of The Books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John are all about… The Promised Messiah, The Son of God, The King of Kings and Lord of Lords had come to set the captives free from spiritual bondage and eternal death by His own death on a tree fashioned into a cross and then rise in victory to redeem the original sin that put every person in human history on the path to hell in the first place. When God answered my prayer and granted me humility and a heart for repentance, I shifted my focus away from myself, my circumstances and the things and people of this world to being all-consumed by Jesus, the promised Messiah who came to make the way for all who would believe to have everlasting peace, security, and joy. The one who, even if He does not calm the storms of life, is still good and worthy of immense praise and the highest place of our thoughts and energy… especially when we are running on fumes to get through each day. Cling to He who is immutable, who is eternal, who is limitless and rely upon not your own strength but His every moment of each day. Over time, you will find the clouds part, the sky no longer seems so dark, and the waters still…. the dawn of a new season begins not solely because you prayed for relief but mainly because you had become so enthralled with Jesus and His Word that as time passed, each day got better and better; your hope and security and fulfillment were placed in He who is the source of all that is good and lovely and excellent.
Questions to ask yourself:
- What makes Jesus the fulfillment of Old Testament prophecy?
- Why is it important for you and I to first internalize the truth that Jesus calming the storm is about Jesus showing His humanity while also proving He is the Son of God, before we take any comfort from this story?
Prayer Prompt:
Ask Jesus that he grant you the eyes to see your circumstances through an eternal perspective that is fixed on Him and the hope that He embodies.